


Ashfur's wig

by Northflower



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Gen, ashfur's hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22254517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northflower/pseuds/Northflower
Summary: The backstory for Ashfur's beautiful blonde hair.
Relationships: Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight (Warriors)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Ashfur's wig

Since the beginning of Clans, the cats have had the pleasure to show off their beautiful hair. The hair came in variations of length, texture and hue.

Ashfur, on the other hand, was plagued by having the unfortunate genetics to be practically bald on the head. Her sister had the same condition, and so did his mother. Ashfur wasn’t certain about his father, whom he didn’t know of.

“You’re stressing over it too much,” Ferncloud chuckled. “I have never had trouble with finding a mate despite it.”

“Well, Dustpelt is bald himself. It would be unrealistic for him to get a mate above his hair rank,” Ashfur responded matter-of-factly.

“What are you talking about?”

“The hair rank!” Ashfur exclaimed. “I have ranked every cat in the Clans by hair. There are a couple of categories of hair, the best ones being flumbunctious, anime, and chad hair, according to some cats,” he explained, muttering the last part under his breath. He had never understood the fascination over chad hair.

“And let me guess. Bald is at the very bottom of your rank?” Ferncloud purred amusedly. Ashfur scoffed. This was no laughing matter!

“Yes! And that’s why the chance of me acquiring a mate with better hair is practically nonexistent!”

“Then why do you not go for another bald mate?”

Ashfur stopped to consider, before replying: “You should aim to get a mate with different looks. The Clans have high rates of incest, and I try to avoid mates with similar genes.”

Ferncloud laughed.

“Oh, but we both know that’s not really the reason, now is it?” she said, nudging Ashfur’s shoulder. Ashfur didn’t respond. His eyes were fixed on the cat on the other side of the camp, with beautiful, scarlet, flumbunctious hair.

Ashfur had worked long and hard to determine the optimal mate for acquiring the kits as ideal as possible. It couldn’t have been anyone too old, ugly, too closely related, or too male. Squirrelflight was younger than him, had quite the beautiful hair, and as an added bonus, she was of great inheritance, being the leader’s daughter.

Ashfur had tried to figure out how the ginger cat’s genes worked by looking at her parents. Firestar was of a kittypet origin, which was another plus in regard of avoiding incest. He was clearly the one whom Squirrelflight’s striking color of fur was from. The only problem was that Firestar had chad hair. Ashfur wondered how someone with chad hair could’ve birthed someone with hair so beautiful. Sandstorm’s hair was similarly unremarkable, and Ashfur didn’t know of either Firestar’s or Sandstorm’s heritage. It was impossible to tell whether Squirrelflight’s hair was due to a recessive gene, or perhaps mutation.

Another thought crossed his mind. Maybe Sandstorm had merely cheated on her mate, maybe during the time that her and Firestar went travelling elsewhere. Ashfur couldn’t blame her, since he would really hate for his kittens to have chad hair. If this was the case, then there was probably no worrying about Ashfur’s offspring with Squirrelflight having chad hair.

Nothing seemed to be in the way of Ashfur claiming what was his, for Squirrelflight didn’t currently seem to have any other potential mates. Brambleclaw had seemed like a reproductive threat for a while, but now him and Squirrelflight didn’t seem to get along. Which was understandable, since Brambleclaw similarly sported chad hair.

It was the perfect time to strike.

“Uh, hi.” Ashfur stammered, scooting closer to Squirrelflight.

“Hi,” said Squirrelflight.

“So… would you like to… maybe… be my mate?”

“No,” said Squirrelflight.

That hadn’t gone well at all. There must have been something missing.

He sighed. There was a single variable that Ashfur had tried to push away from his mind, but as he looked at his reflection in the water, it was clear as day.

He was still bald.

Ashfur had tried to grow hair, multiple times. He had heard that rubbing catnip on your head could help the hair grow. Under that belief, he had traded several pieces of prey for some that Cloudtail had managed to smuggle out of the twolegplace that he could still navigate better than the average cat. But no matter how much Ashfur rubbed, it never worked. He remained bald as a rock. And Cloudtail got heavier every time he tried, so finally it seemed like it wasn’t smart to try anymore. Ashfur had decided to not focus on the hair anymore, because he felt like that might make him appear less confident and thus less attractive. How foolish he had been! Certainly, he should have attempted to acquire hair in some other way.

So that night, he hatched a plan.

It wasn’t really difficult to collect the excess hair of Daisy. Ashfur didn’t know why, but it seemed that most of the cats with kittypet heritage seemed to have a lot more hair than was necessary, and it would always get stuck on branches and get ripped away.

With several moons of stalking Daisy whenever she went anywhere, which granted, wasn’t often, Ashfur had managed to collect an impressive amount of loose hair. With some careful work, he was able to arrange it into a wig of blonde, anime hair.

Trying the wig on for a first time was certainly one of the best experiences Ashfur ever had. Finally, he had the thing he wanted the most. It would not pass on to his offspring, but it was a beautiful sight to behold. It did not match his fur, the blonde against his gray. Ashfur thought he looked quite like an angel.

Now, there was nothing holding him back, so he marched back to Squirrelflight with more confidence.

“Hi!”

“Oh, hi Ashfur. Did you do something with your hair?”

“I did, indeed.”

“Cool.”

“Would you like to be my mate?”

“No.”

Ashfur’s world collapsed from under him. It was immediately clear to him what had gone wrong. It didn’t matter what he did with his hair. For it was clear that Squirrelflight was one of those who preferred CHAD HAIR. He never had a chance in the first place.

He should have predicted this. Cats tended to fall for those who resembled their fathers.

So, Ashfur attempted to murder Squirrelflight’s father.

And it turned out that he was right. Squirrelflight fell for Brambleclaw instead of Ashfur. The gray tom was filled with grief for how Squirrelflight’s good hair genes would probably be overshadowed by Brambleclaw’s chad genes. It was hopeless, and sad. Practically genocide.

And he was right, once more; the kits turned out not having Squirrelflight’s hair, but being 2 out of 3 chads and one out of 3 bald. It was sad. It was horrific.

Nothing but burning those abominations could fix it.

Well, that didn’t work out either. Since apparently the genes weren’t from Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight at all. That explained how the beautiful hair wasn’t carried over. Maybe there was still a chance that Ashfur could produce the proper kits.

But alas, he was killed by one of the chad-haired kits.

The worst thing about it was that wigs do not transfer over to StarClan.


End file.
